Reflection

My first race of 2013 was yesterday.

I entered it because it was a race in the same neck of the woods I grew up in and I thought it would be fun to support the local race. It also didn't hurt that the start and finish line were about 200 meters from my in-law's house so I knew we had a great place to call "home base" if need be.

In the week before the race, many people asked me whether I had a goal in mind for the race. I was adamant that there was NO goal "per say", but that improving on my other 2 official race times would be a great accomplishment - one that I foresaw would be relatively simple for me to accomplish given those 2 races had extenuating circumstances with lead to those results.

I was happy we arrived in Manotick early with lots of time for me to get to the finish line to hopefully see some of my running friends cross the finish line after their 10 and 18k races.

Out of complete coincidence, as I went to grab my phone from the truck, I saw a figure coming up the hill that I recognised... a quick glance downwards proved to confirm this lovely rainbow socked lady was indeed Caroline heading to her last 400 or so meters. I was so happy to be able to drop everything and run to the road to cheer her on, give her a high ten and send her off to the lovely road downhill (literally) to the finish.

After heading down myself, the pre-race jitters began. I managed to see another running friend Katie and her family after her race too... and remember thinking, I hope someday I can look that fresh after completing an 18k race!

I saw my mother in the crowd and went to say hello before going to the washroom once more and then heading to the warm up and then into the coral to await our start.

Around 5 minutes before the start of the race, I saw Mark and the kids walking over and got to get my good luck kisses from the kids before checking, double checking and triple checking that my music was ready and my interval apps was ready to go.

When the crowd starting the race, I felt fresh and the excitement of the race carried me down Doctor Leach Drive. There were a lot of high school kids participating and watching them blow out of the start gates was inspiring. I found myself a bit winded approaching the first k marker and allowed myself to look at my app to see my time thus far. This is when I realised the first mistake of the race... my speed was awesome... that first kilometer was done in 6:30, but there was NO WAY I could keep that speed up! I tried to slow myself down, but even so, as I crossed the 2k marker, I was still fast - my watch had me at 13:20... which meant my second k was still a sub-7 minute kilometer.

This is when my brain started playing tricks. And things started falling apart.

the defeatist in me was saying: I'm out of breath, I'm hot, and I still have 3 k to go...
the optimist in me was yelling - you just ran 1/3rd of your run in 13 minutes! Even if you can keep a DECENT pace from now on, you are going to do awesome!

I kept going. I tried to ignore both the extreme comments I had going through my head and started my visualisation... "you only have 500 meters until the water station... you can walk there... you have this! "

That worked until the 3 k mark but by then more and more people around me were walking... and I let the defeatist win... "if they are walking, why can't you?". I tried with all my might to keep up with some sort of intervals... but it seemed all over the place to me... sometimes running for 5 minutes before walking again, other times, only running 200 meters before walking again. My hamstring was bothering me too... which didn't help much with the stop and go of that 4th km.

I had promised Mark I would text him at the 4k marker. And when I saw it, it became my beacon again. I sent my message and knew I was only around 6 minutes from them, and about 8 from the finish.

And then... I saw THE HILL.

For some reason still unknown to me, the markers on the route were putting us past Beaverwood (where I had expected to turn), and instead continuing on the same finish path as the 18 and 10k racers up a nasty hill on Whitewood and then continuing up another hill on Colony before turning down Maple and to the finish.

I felt discouraged and sore and frustrated at that point, and had to walk up half the hill due to my hamstring hurting so much.

As I rounded the road to Colony I told myself to suck it up and that I could do this. I was about to turn a corner and see my family and then it was all downhill to the finish. I was pushing myself because I wanted NEEDED to see them.

As I rounded the bend from Maple to Beaverwood I caught a glimpse of Mark with the camera in front of his eyes, my mom cheering me on with a beaming smile and Madie and Joshua yelling "go, momma, go!" from the sidelines. From that turn onward, I didn't feel my hamstring at all. I was in pure bliss and that moment will likely be on top of my running memories forever.

As I approached the family, I waved and blew a kiss to Madie, and asked Joshua if he was joining me for the last leg. In the larger races, there are no openings in the fences between the route and the finish line and I was so happy to have him run with me to the end.

There was a man probably about 100 m ahead of me in a green shirt, my son, god love him, said to me "hey momma, let's beat that guy in the green!"... and because he was talking to me and I had taken my headphones out, I then heard the cheering... 4 of my LIO friends had stuck around (unbeknownst to me) to cheer me on... and cheer they did! WHAT A RUSH!!!!

We crossed the finish line with arms up high. They even gave Joshua a medal for crossing along with me!

I met up with friends and family alike and celebrated in the finish.

At the time, I did not yet know my time. And I am embarrassed to say that once I went to the stats site, I immediately felt like a turtle who was going back into her shell.

SOMEHOW, I managed to go from the strongest first half to the worst time. 41.30 a minute more than either of my runs the year before...

I felt... defeated...

It took the whole rest of the day and evening before I had the guts to put my time into my training log. I didn't want to write it down - because that would be me admitting that I had BLOWN it.

But when I DID finally put it in the log and mapped out the race route... I found out that the race was actually 5.55k instead of 5k. By making that little change, they had managed to add a half a km onto our time... which is NOT reflected on our finishes... All of the sudden... my final time isn't so bad... doing 5.55k in 41.30 makes my average pace at 7.28... which makes my 5k time somewhere around 36.40.

and THAT is something I am proud of.

Another one bites the dust

There is a reason hill training is normally a Wednesday event. A long run on a Sunday after ding hill training on Friday???? Yeah - not so pleasant.

The schedule had my run as either a(nother) 8k or a full 10k this week and I decided a repeat of last weekend's 8k was best for me and my sanity.

After rolling out my leg muscles using a rolling pin (yes, you read right!) the night before, they felt tired but ready to run on Sunday morning. I was again joined my my cheer team Caroline and Robin for my run (though those two super stars kept going after running the 8k with me and continued to the 10k mark). Surely thanks to Robin's "feedback" last weekend, the three of us were also joined by group leader Lian who stuck with us the whole way; giving Robin and Caroline the opportunity to go a little faster at times.

I still find it difficult to accept that I am not "holding people back" when they run with me. It is a constant mind-struggle of mine and I really REALLY hope one day I can concur it. I found myself proud of completing the 8k without "cheating the distance" and even ensuring I RAN up all the hills on the course (even if it meant I walked up to the bottom of the hills in order to get my endurance back) but still calling myself the "tortoise" of the group when posting my stats on facebook when I arrived home post-run.

What I have to keep repeating to myself and wish I could welcome as my mantra is that in the end, the tortoise wins the race.

When will the competitive little girl in me learn to believe (or at least accept) what everyone else is telling me?

This past week, I have again accomplished much. I ran the fastest pace I have ever run while running for Boston on Tuesday; I ran my first hill intervals and not 2 days later I ran my second 8k (with a few hills along the way!).

And I'm (trying) to own it.

Hillcrest Hell

Friday night's Running Room was my introduction to hill training. I've been told they help with endurance, with speed, with strength... yeah... they still suck.

We ran a half k warm up over to Hillcrest Avenue which is very aptly named. It runs north/south from Byron up to Nepean High School and is (from what I have been told) exactly 400 meters uphill. "Perfect" for hill training... yah.

Our induction included 3 repeats of this nasty hill. The first half is WAY nasty - with a relatively steep incline and then a road way's distance of "recovery" before the second incline hump up to the top. We were told we could walk on the way down until our heart rate lowered, and then once that occurred, to continue the rest of the way down the hill at a slow jog before heading up for the next repeat.

As I have become used to, although I was one of the first runners to follow Laurence (the Westboro manager - who was leading our hill training) up, I was quickly passed by the rest of the gang. There were times where I struggled and at least once (OK - many twice) when I had made the decision to only do 2 reps instead of the 3 we had scheduled for the night. Lucky (?????) for me, Laurence saw caught me trying to skimp the last 10 feet from the top of the hill (with an enthusiastic "the hill ends over there!"... THANKS Laurence! Sigh) and then when I turned around and redid those last 10 feet (cuz I am oh-so-good at taking a beating accepting training help), Laurence informed me he was "sticking with me" and thereby crushed my plans of not completing that last hill. In all seriousness though - Laurence is awesome and I was really glad he had my back.

So - another major milestone in my journey... hills training done! I now "only" need to double the amount of reps I did this past week in the next 3 weeks (increasing one hill per week).

My legs hurt just thinking of it...

because I can

I wasn't supposed to run today.

But the bombings that occurred at the finish line of the Boston Marathon yesterday has left me feeling the need to do so today.

So today, once the kidlets are in bed, I will run. Because I can. Because I feel the need to. On behalf of those thousands of marathon runners who yesterday, after training so very hard to accomplish their goals, were forced to stop at the last mile of the race. Because someone (or some organization) decided to replace pride and joy with fear and violence.

But, amongst all the shock and disgust I felt as information began to hit the airwaves and Internet, I  also felt pride... towards all the people - the volunteers, the spectators, the EMT, the police officers and the RUNNERS who had already crossed the finish line - whose first response to the bombs were to run TOWARDS the blasts in order to give help where they could. And to the runners who were halted a mile from the finish line that decided to then head to the medical tent or to the nearest hospital to give blood - you are true heroes.

Today, I feel lucky to be part of such a wonderful community and to call myself a runner.

My prayers are in Boston today as they continue to search for answers.

Another hurdle completed - 8k

Sunday morning I woke up with my alarm clock and looked outside and may or may not have uttered a word that rhymes with duck. There was this mix of wet snow and rain falling from the sky and I had a date with Caroline and Robin to run my first ever 8k.

These ladies have a lot more confidence in me than I do in myself... On more than one occasion, I was told that I had proved I could do this when I ran the 7k last weekend and that I was "doing it" when I felt like I was just about to puke (not that I actually admitted that to them though!).

But, I DID do it, and in less than stellar circumstances too!

This Sunday was the first time since starting running with this 10k group where I really did feel like I was left behind. Where the running room group was MUCH to fast for me to even keep them in my sight, and where none of the 3 "leaders" running with our group came back to see if they had left anyone behind (HELLO BACK HERE!!!!). Needless to say, I was really REALLY grateful to have 2 confident and patient running friends running along my side.

It only took just over 1k before the "group" went off their planned route... and they likely added about half a km onto their route by doing so too. But, it was not until somewhere around the 3 km point that we were left in the dust. I can honestly say they probably didn't even know we were back there.

The three of us in the back found our way back to the running room and chose our paths according to Robin's knowledge of the area and the help of their Garmins to tell us our distance.

When we got back to the running room, Robin was quick to give back "constructive feedback" to one of the leaders by reminding her that those in the back end of the run... those are the ones who NEED the extra support... and that PERHAPS it might be a good idea to have a strong runner (leader) stay back with THOSE people rather than running ahead with the people who are already able to cover the distance and are just looking to improve.

Robin, you are my hero. Although those who know me well know I don't usually have any difficulty speaking up, when I am the one who feels "little" (in this case, a slow poke, holding people back, not "good enough" for the rest of the group), I become introverted and tend to keep to myself. Thank you for being my voice. :)

In the end, we clocked in at one hour and twenty seconds... mostly 10:1s with one interval having a bit more of a walk so that I could review the route.

I'm finding it difficult to look at the distance without saying something negative about the pace that goes along with it, but I am trying to reflect on how far I have come. The other thing I am excited about... running 5k is no longer exhausting. On Sunday, it took me until 6k before I felt myself start to really feel bagged... which means my scheduled 5k race in a couple weeks will have me finishing STRONG rather than feeling like I am falling over that finish line. :)

This week introduces hills... I'm a bit terrified.

Rest

On Tuesday afternoon, I gave blood. We received a noticed through our work of an upcoming donor clinic and I decided it was time to bite the bullet and face my fear of the needle.

As an aside, I was also told I have "special" blood... something about not having contracted some sort of childhood virus... so my blood is the blood given to the NICU babies and those who are getting organ transplants. This is a very sneaky ploy to get me to donate more often. It may just have worked too.

But I digress...

I had a run scheduled for that evening with Ange. It was mapped out for 4.3 kms and I was excited to get out in the nice weather.

NOTE - running a 4+k run the evening after giving blood... DRAINS YOU!

My body felt fine but my stamina was zapped. By the end of the run I felt spacey. Hopped in the shower and his the hay.

I should also mention that Joshua's been sick most of the week. Nothing major, but very lethargic and complaining of a stomach ache. But enough to have the school call me that same Tuesday and ask me to go get him early.

Wednesday, I had actually planned to run with a bunch of LIO peeps downtown. I was the one who put out the call and planned the route. But Wednesday morning when I got up my legs were screaming at me. I had a headache. I was spacey. AND I was "on call" just in case the boy got sent home again. There was no way I was running that day. As much as I really REALLY wanted to.

Yesterday, I WAS home with the boy... and brought him to the clinic to make sure everything was as OK as I thought. (for those who want to know, he either is constipated - the likely possibility - or he has appendicitis... but with no other symptoms but tummy ache and tenderness in the lower right side of his abdominal, we are going with lots of liquid and a bit of dissolving powder to get things moving "down there")

Today, we have a freak snow and ice hail storm going on which does NOT invite me to run tonight. Not one bit.

With my 8k planned and a scheduled double date with some LIO girls, I will hope the rest (from exercise) of the last week will help me push through this next hurtle.

over the hump

On Sunday morning, my alarm went off at 7:30 a.m. This was supposed to give me plenty of time to get up, get dressed, have something to fuel me, and then get myself to Westboro for my first ever 7k run.

Instead, I looked at the alarm, and in my groggy state, tried to quickly calculate how far I could push that snooze button. I did NOT want to get out of bed. Not while the rest of the family still slept peacefully and especially since I had been the first to be awake the day before too. I wanted to be able to be in bed, warm and cozy and lazy. It didn't help that when I checked to forecast before going to bed the night before the weather "experts" were calling for ice over night and rain through the day.

So, I hit snooze for another 10 minutes and rolled over.

But, after 10 more minutes of blissful relaxation, I dragged myself out of bed and pulled on the running gear I had placed out in preparation the night before. I got myself downstairs, grabbed a cereal bar and an apple and filled my water bottle. I was NOT going to bail.

I arrived at the running room and was welcomed by my LIO running friend Robin who, after being out until 1 a.m. that morning, did not bail on meeting me (check #2 on thank goodness I still went!!!!).

We staid at the back of the pack, but ran well. Robin, who is a significantly faster runner than I, was nice enough to stick with my pace - something that kept me motivated to not skimp out of those 10:1 intervals. Just after the 3.5km turnaround, we had to run up our first hill. I LOATHE hills, but now have a trick which Robin taught me. DON'T LOOK PAST A COUPLE FEET IN FRONT OF YOURSELF WHEN GOING UP A HILL. I think that my history of riding horses has always had be looking further ahead to (what would be) the next "jump" (or block, as it would be during a run); which, in the case of hills, is usually at the top of the hill. When I tried it her way, I found the hill much more manageable. It kinda tricks your brain into not knowing how long or steep the hill is and so it makes it feel less *hard*. This is something I will be utilizing a LOT in the coming weeks... especially with our program starts to integrate hills on Wednesdays next week!

Coming up to what I assume would be around the 5k mark, I allowed myself to look at my phone to see how I was doing with time. At this point, Robin, god bless her, had made some sort of comment about me being fast and doing great (ppptttthhh - thanks, but... ummm, no ;-) ). At around the 5k mark (I think), we were at just over 36 minutes. YAY!!!!!

At about 6k, I was really tired. My legs were feeling really sore but I was determined to finish. I had officially gone further than ever and I had nowhere to go but back to my truck anyways ;-) Just as we arrived at Churchill, we were due for another walk break but we decided to run through it because the end was in reach.

We ended strong and with smiles on our faces. I can honestly say, Robin's support and patience made all the difference!

We ended the 7k run in just over 54 minutes! Robin also filled me in on the stats of each km after the run (man - I still so would like a Garmin!): our average pace was 7:46/km including walk breaks, and our fastest kms (1 and 4) were 7:13/km! Also, our LAST km was faster than both 5 and 6... so we finished strong.

I also noticed that we finished our 7k just before the "faster" runners finished their 8k (which, for some reason, made me proud?!?)

So, I being this new week looking back at the things I accomplished in my running last week:

1) I ran a total distance of 21 km last week (over 4 runs) - that's a half marathon's distance!!!!!
2) I ran my longest distance
3) I ran my longest time
4) I am officially further along in this 10k program then I was last fall when I had to stop due to injury.

This week's challenge - 8k! :)

Humbled

Yesterday, I decided to write a short post on the LIO facebook page that was an open letter to the store Lululemon about my conflicted feelings towards their store and their product. In particular, the letter was directed at the fact that their clothing line goes from size 0-12 and even only to size 10 in some styles. This post was not meant to be anything other than a way for me to vent my feelings and maybe even get a few supportive "here, here!"s from some of the other ladies in similar situations as me.

This is not, of course, the end of the story.

I did, get replies of support by many (MANY) people in the LIO group, and along with their notes of understanding and agreement came a strong suggestion to forward my note to Lululemon.

After my internal timid by nature self tried to pull a "what, ME???? I can't POSSIBLY do that!!!", I took the leap and sent it to the company email address, provided it to them via their web site comments section AND posted it on their facebook page. Heh, what can I say? My inner warrior was telling me to go big or go home ;-)

This all happened sometime around noon yesterday.

What happened next has made me proud, part of a group, thankful... lots of things... but most of all humbled. Thus far, MY open letter post on the Lululemon Athletica facebook group page has gotten 75 "likes" and 18 comments AND COUNTING!!! Included in those comments was an official one from Lululemon asking for further information.

Later yesterday afternoon, I received a reply for EACH of my two submissions from Lululemon via email. All of their replies have shown them to be grateful for my feedback and willing to bring my suggestions to their design team. Not to mention they have provided some suggestions as to what styles MAY work for someone on my "shape". In addition, 2 of the three replies offered to provide further suggestions on what may work for me if I provided them with my current measurements and the sizes I wear in other clothing.

All because of a little venting post. All goes to show that speaking up is usually the best thing.

Humbled people. HUMBLED.

PS. I kicked a$$ with my 4K run Wednesday. :)

(below, for those who do not have access to facebook, I have attached a copy of my letter).

Dearest Lulu...


We have an ongoing love / hate relationship.. and I am not sure why I keep hurting myself by always going back to you.

I LOVE your clothes... they are so cute and pretty and make me smile... but every time I go in to see you, you disappoint me with the lack of sizing for those of us currently TRYING to get fit and healthy but do not fit into your mold of the "ideal"...

I HATE that your clothes are sized 0-12... hate even more that those super cute running skirts only go to a size 10 (really??????) and that your shorts are all cut really slim making it impossible for those of us with larger legs to wear them... not to mention the super short length!

I HATE that every time I go in there, I keep hoping that SOMEDAY my chest will be a size that will fit into your sports bras, to no avail. And that every time I go there, I leave feeling a little less happy with the mold I am currently fitting.

AND, I especially hate that a running friend gave me a gift certificate to spend at your store, in celebration of my first year of running, and I can't use it. Maybe I will give it back to her so she can enjoy it... SIGH.

Week 2 RR 10k training

This week was a bit jumbled becasue of the Easter long weekend.

I wasn't able to run with the RR gang at all - between Mark working the late shift this past week (and therefore not getting home until just before 8pm each evening), Friday being a holiday and me not being able to make their run at 10am (had party planning to do for a certain 6 year old's party the next day) and Sunday morning being... well... Easter.

That's the bad new. The GOOD news, I still managed to run those runs along with an additional on on Tuesday with the help of my friends Caroline, Ange and April.

Tuesday was Caroline's runniversary. She decided to celebrate with a run and invite all her friends to run with her. She was going to run the Parliament loop and I joined her for the 3k I was scheduled to run that day. One of our other friends, Jay, linked arms with me for my last 200 meters and put on the speed... uphill... I may have cursed... but then it made me smile and I did thank her for the extra "push" (errr... maybe pull is a better word!) afterwards.

Wednesday, I met up with Ange and April for an evening 4k run. Again, I got the same encouragement at the end of the run - to finish strong and be smiling at the end of the run. Thanks for that Ange! ;-)

I ALMOST bailed on my friday run. It was supposed to be a 5k, and I really, REALLY wasn't feeling it. I was making excuses left, right and center why I SHOULDN'T run - I had too much to do, I could use that time to get x y and z completed... but I was NOT going to LET myself weizle out of it. Instead, I sent an email to Ange and April to see if either one of them had the time to run. Lucky for me, Ange was able to fit in a run with me and we managed another 4k. ANGE TO THE RESCUE! I am really not sure whether I would have done it otherwise.

Sunday, I had a 6k scheduled. It was supposed to be at 3pm, but we needed to bump it to the evening. I got all my stuff on and put Madie in bed, then looked outside at the wind and the rain that was begiining and decided I dodn't want to end my Easter Sunday feeling like a drowned rat. I postponned to Monday morning and set my clock for 7am to get er done before my day started.

I may not have reached my goal of 6k (I didn't map it out before hand and the route I did twice was around 2.8k instead of the 3k I had thought), but I still got it in and even managed my best pace yet! I guess the brisk morning air did me well... I managed around 5.7k in 41 minutes. NOt bad at all! :)

This week, I have 2 4ks scheduled for Wednesday and Friday and then a 7k on Sunday. This will be my longest distance yet and I am not going to lie, it intimidates me A LOT. But, I know if I just find my pace and stick with it, I will be able to complete it with one foot ahead of the other.