Saturday, August 2, 2008

Feeling fat

So a question was asked of the readers of the weight loss blog I read (see the link on the left hand side). When do you feel fat? Well, I have been struggling with my answer to that question for the past week. Often, unless I feel slender when I look at myself in the mirror (which generally starts to happen around 10 or 15 pounds away from goal), I can say I feel fat. It has never been about a number on a scale for me; mostly because I accept the fact that my number have always, and will always, be a bit higher than others the same height as me, because of having a muscular build very early in life (I can blame my love of riding, for that).

What I have been struggling with is how to get past that. How to learn to love myself no matter WHAT I see in the mirror. Can I ever get past that "fat" girl in the mirror? Will I ever see the stretch marks as my battle scars - something I can be strangely proud of? Something to think about, I guess.

In response to my mother's question on my last post about my "treat nights" - no, there is no set amount of points I have given myself for these days. I will continue to journal my breakfast, snack and lunch but stop after my WW meeting. This means I have a free night. I don't generally go all out - but may have shawarmas for dinner (for example)... something that I would not want to KNOW the points off because I know it is not a good choice - but I also know that as of the next day, my slate is clean and I am back to day 1 of my weight watching week. This is what seems to work for me - may not work for others - but I also figure GENERALLY I don't use my
flex points; nor do I EVER count activity points - so the way I see it, I am kinda just using up my surplus.

Tomorrow will be a tough one - with a family reunion to attend - but lucky for me both Vicki and Penny will be there with me so we (Penny and I) can keep each other "in check".

Have a good one,
J

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

As you know, I avoid mirrors and photos of me A wise womyn a while ago gave me the homework to see my inner self, my core, as the one I need to developp an accepting friendly rlsp with. Aim to love/like my inner self, the self that count. Not the physical me that's tied to EGO.Try to see beyond the reflection in the mirror.
If you want more info about this way of 'doing' life, it'll have to be in person

Anonymous said...

Funny how guys never see their bodies as sources of frustration as much as women...except when something isn't working properly!

Anonymous said...

With all the weekend activities, I never had a chance to see your blog until tonight, Josee...
but I think we did JUST FINE at the reunion "pot luck" supper!
Thank you for the delicious veggie tray you and Mark brought and to others who brought incredible salads and delicious fruit selections that easily overshadowed the "Pirate" theme chocolate cake!
XOX Pen OXO