The run

Friday was my first day at the Running Room for the 10k training group. I was, in a word, anxious.

I had all these nerves flowing through my body. Worries that I would not be fast enough, or good enough or strong enough. That I wouldn't be able to keep up with the pace of the group and that I would be left in the back.

This is what happened last fall, and I had been running a lot longer at that point than I have since being sidelined.

BUT, I decided to go to the class anyways, nerves balled up and stomach in knots, to challenge myself, to push myself and to TRY. If I didn't succeed, then I could always defer again and try again after.

There are 30 of us in the Friday night group - most with the look of long-term runners. The strong, lean bodies making me even more worried about my result.

After half an hour of listening to what we should expect from the program, we went out for our first run. I had expected a 3k... then was told it would be 4. I began the run in the middle of the pack, and fell to the back after the first 5 minutes. I felt sick to my stomach with running nerves - similar to those I have felt in the past when I get ready to start a race - and I knew it would take at least the first 10 minutes to work that out. So, expecting to be at the back of the pack, I plugged in to my headphones and tried to go at my own speed without feeling the pressure of NEEDING to catch up. I was reminded by the RR leader that I should be able to talk comfortably while running, and that if I found myself huffing and puffing I should slow down.

And then something happened. I told the leader (Lian) that I was just thrilled to be able to run 10 non-stop minutes... that this was something that I had told myself since my childhood I could NEVER do. I was always the one who was good at speed but never at endurance. But the very fact I had proven myself wrong... all these years later... made me proud and not interested in what the clock said, but at what my body said. And at that moment, I was able to let go of being at the back of the pack and simply enjoy the ride.

About halfway through the run, the girl who had been running at a similar pace to me but was about 10 steps ahead of me slowed down a bit, and we began running side by side. I found myself slowing to her pace because I didn't want her to feel like I had last fall... like I had failed because I was just so slow compared to the others. We ran together, not always speaking, but keeping each other's spirits up until we arrived back at the store. In total, we ran 4 k and we ran it in mess than 32 minutes (I know this because my 3rd 10 minute rep never ended).

And I left the run smiling. Feeling like maybe, JUST MAYBE, I CAN do this ;-)